Recently, a client of mine was promoted to a dynamic role that would 10x her impact in her industry. Her workload increased by 120% (which may be an underestimation). You can imagine that she had to get ruthless about prioritization, yes. But she also had to step back and think about everything completely differently – her role, her day, week, month, leadership style, team training, team structure, etc. It was a paradigm shift. And that paradigm shift included becoming excellent at saying no.
There have been many articles written on the art of saying no, and there will be many more after this one. Why do we keep talking about it? Saying no to the right things can be one of the most powerful assets you wield as a leader, but it can also be challenging to execute.
Why is Saying No Powerful?
When you choose when to say no, you:
- Engage intentional and empowered choice about your schedule, priorities, and relationships
- Stay true to what’s most aligned and necessary
- Create space for desired change.
For most of my clients, it’s impossible to take the next growth leap without the art of saying no at the right times, in the right ways.
Why is Saying No Sometimes Challenging?
There are good reasons why this isn’t always easy or obvious.
- Social pressure: real or perceived social pressure to do or be a certain way.
- Obligation: feeling tied to an old commitment that may no longer be true.
- Habit: decisions and actions made long ago that we continue out of inertia.
- History: You associate yourself with doing things a certain way, and you can’t imagine life differently.
Saying no requires a fresh examination of your choices and commitments, and an alignment check. Saying no then becomes an opportunity for you to find your YES.
What are you saying yes to?
A conscious, empowered, and intentional no often starts with yes. I once heard a quote credited to Byron Katie: “It’s always a yes, even when it’s a no.” What are you saying yes to?
This question is an invitation into radical honesty, empowered decision-making, and clear choices. It’s an invitation into building the life and career that you want, that’s true for who you are today, not the you-of-yesterday, last week, 5 years ago, etc.
Our priorities shuffle as we grow and change. Your priorities and YES may be now leaning towards:
- A new role or new work mission/purpose
- A big launch, project, etc.
- Making more time for strategy and vision
- Nourishing your creativity
- Taking care of family or friends
- Something else?
When you get clear about your empowered yes, then write it down for yourself. If there’s anything that requires a significant shift in thought or behavior, review your yes list daily. This will help you get used to a new way of thinking and being.
Then, learn how to say no.
Creative Ways to Say No
I love it when we can give a clear, simple no, as in, “No, I’m not able to attend.” But there are times it’s not so simple, or we may be concerned about how others will receive our no. No doesn’t have to be harsh. It can be a clear boundary while simultaneously communicating your intentions and goodwill. Here are some options and tips you can apply:
Use “Yes, And…” This is a way to acknowledge two things that may be true at the same time, such as “Yes, I love what you’re doing, and sadly, I won’t be able to attend this year.”
Be transparent and authentic. People notice the difference when we come from a sincere place, and they trust us more when we are transparent. “I’ve enjoyed our weekly meetings, and things are changing with my role, so I have to shift our schedule. I wish I had the bandwidth of a superhero, but I don’t.”
Use curiosity: Ask questions to discern the importance of a request, the actual reality of a deadline, etc. Example: “We have this meeting regularly scheduled as a default – I know we’re both busy, so is there a better, more efficient way that we can achieve the same goals?”
Offer alternatives. You may be able to offer them something different, as in, “I’m not able to meet with you weekly, but would you be available for a quarterly lunch?” Or you may have a referral or recommendation for them, such as, “I’m sad to resign from this board, but I have a wonderful individual I can recommend to step up in my place.”
Buy time: If you really aren’t sure how to respond to a request, buy time: “Let me think about it and get back to you.” Then, do a thorough, honest alignment check and assessment of your time and energy before you make a decision.
What are your favorite ways of creatively saying no?
No keeps you honest and true, and it also helps stave off overwhelm. It keeps you aligned with your priorities, purpose, and mission. It makes space for new beginnings and honors and respects your boundaries. It’s self-care for leaders and visionaries! I hope this article was an affirming reminder that supports you to embrace the next phase of your growth.