I’m sensitive to people’s wisdom. When someone speaks from their inner knowing and they are aligned with what they’re saying, their words ring differently, like a clear bell. I feel it in my body. I love it. From many years of experience, I’ve learned to trust someone when they speak from that place.
So, you can imagine that when the opposite happens – when someone bypasses that knowing and suppresses their wisdom – it’s like a fast car hitting the brakes with an ear-piercing shriek. I feel that in my body too. I’ve watched people in all kinds of leadership and authority roles swallow their truth, not speak up, or take a stand. It’s painful to watch. I want to scream, “Why are you bending yourself to [what you perceive to be] a greater authority?”
That perceived greater authority could be a person or a group of people. More often, I see people giving power to concepts: Cultural pressures, social niceties, the desire to be liked or not perceived as arrogant, etc.
No external authority is greater than your inner wisdom, whether that authority is a person or a concept. You may have to respect, navigate, or negotiate that external authority (social norms, a boss, board member, investor, etc.), but you don’t have to deny, suppress, or swallow your truth to do that. You might have to get creative about how you speak, act, or take a stand. But you can still honor your wisdom and inner authority.
When I coach leaders at all levels and across industries, I encourage them to hear and represent their inner wisdom. It’s one part of what I call Taking Your Seat. It’s maybe the most important part.
The second part of owning your wisdom and taking your seat is respecting wisdom from outside of yourself. That’s the great thing about wisdom; wisdom loves wisdom in all forms. That means that you are free to make space for others’ knowing as well as your own. It’s a double yes – yes to external wisdom and yes to internal wisdom.
Taking your seat also means that you fully occupy the role you’ve been given and own your responsibilities. You don’t apologize for it, try to soften it, or create a blanket of humility around it. It is what it is. Accepting this, without arrogance, is humility.
Taking your seat means you own the experience, knowledge, and capacity that you’ve gained. You know you will always keep learning and growing, but those growth opportunities don’t compromise the strong foundation you’re already standing on.
Taking your seat means you’re willing to have hard conversations and tell people things they may not want to hear. You can learn to do this with as much grace and skill as possible, but you still have to do it.
Taking your seat means that you own your calendar, your flow, and your experience of life. It means you have 100% ownership of how you experience everything in your life. We don’t have control over all the things that happen or don’t happen. We do have control over how we perceive it and respond to it. You always have choices, even if you can’t see them right away. Taking your seat is an empowered relationship to your life, the paths, and options in front of you.
When leaders don’t take their seat, everything suffers. Roles and boundaries are fuzzy, the direction of the organization isn’t as clear, and employees don’t trust their own knowledge and experience. It can sometimes result in power battles. It doesn’t help to not take your seat. It only causes more challenges.
People resist taking their seat because they’ve experienced negative or bullying authority figures, and they promise themselves they’ll never be like that. Maybe that’s true for you. It was definitely true for me. I’m not interested in having power over anyone. I’m interested in owning the power that’s in me and in the role that I play. You have your own power. I like that. My power and your power can dance side by side.
Take Your Seat Self-Audit
Take this as an affirmation and opportunity to lean into any area where you aren’t fully taking your seat. Work and life change when you fully occupy your seat, and it can be incredibly liberating and empowering. Play with these questions, or create your own:
- Do you feel fully empowered in all areas of your work and life? Where do you feel disempowered, if at all?
- Do you feel aligned, strong, and solid with your inner knowing? Are you trusting yourself? Is there any area of work or life where you are not trusting yourself?
- Do you feel empowered to find creative ways to speak or represent your truth? Or are you swallowing your knowing in any particular situation or with certain people? If so, why are you swallowing your truth? Could you find creative ways to communicate?
- Do you feel free to represent and respect all that you’ve learned, done, and achieved? Are you dimming your light anywhere in an effort to appear humble?
If you are reading this, you are likely a mission-oriented leader with powerful values. I want to empower you to be the strongest, most balanced, and centered leader you can be. I hope this article affirms your knowing and supports you to fully take your seat in all aspects of your work and life.
Please share this article with anyone who could benefit. Thank you!
If you’d like a champion to support you to stand in your authority and take audacious action, let’s chat: schedule a session.