Why do people put up with toxic organizational dysfunction? It’s the question I started asking early in my career, and it’s a question I still explore with my clients today. I don’t mean run-of-the-mill challenges, miscommunications, etc. I mean chronic, systemic, damaging dysfunction. You know, the hair-pulling, tear-evoking kind where you are suppressing an urge to strangle someone or run screaming from a room. Unless you are a very rare human, you have experienced this at some point in your life, you might be experiencing it now, and you likely know someone who is struggling with this.
Do we have to put up with it? Is it a necessary price to be part of an organization? Or do we have more power to affect change than we realize?
I have witnessed every answer to these questions from my diverse clients. As with a lot of hard things in life, some organizational dysfunction can have healthy silver linings. For example, it can:
- Inspire and catapult growth
- Motivate systemic change
- Bond colleagues or teams together as they create change
But, at its ugliest, organizational dysfunction can dismantle collaboration, demoralize employees, increase depression and anxiety, and hurt the company’s bottom line. This is especially tough to watch if the company is trying to create positive change in the world.
Are you sucked in?
It’s easy to get entangled in organizational dysfunction. When someone is sucked in and feeling powerless, I see them do one or more of these things:
- Complain almost every day but don’t do anything about their situation
- Gossip negatively behind others’ backs
- Feel hopeless or apathetic
- Feel angry and resentful
- Have anxiety or chronic worry
- Feel trapped
- Normalize something quite horrible
The victim mindset is slippery; people can slide into it without even realizing they are doing it. Often, when people don’t have control over a situation it triggers subconscious childhood associations of powerlessness and they believe they have no choice. The good news is that we have more power and choice than we realize, obvious or not.
The first and most powerful tool you have is within you.
Change your internal relationship to the dysfunction.
We don’t have control over many things in life, but we do have control over how we handle our thoughts and emotions. You can feel empowered by shifting your mindset. There are three steps I recommend:
Step 1: Get Your Face Out of the Pool
Yes, you’ve heard this from me before because it’s simply necessary. If you are in a swirl of thoughts and emotions (face in the pool), you can’t accurately see yourself, the situation, or the opportunities in front of you.
If you want answers, clarity, relief, and freedom you have to start giving it to yourself in the form of stepping back. Lift your head up and look around you. Take a break, go outside, breathe. Realize you are separate from the situation and you are fundamentally ok, regardless of what’s going on. Breathe some more.
Once you’ve done that and the swirl is quieter, you can move on to Step 2.
Step 2: Ask the Right Questions
- Where are you hooked emotionally? Is there an aspect of the situation that has an extra charge for you?
- What’s the story you are repeating to yourself? Repetitive thoughts or feelings are a helpful indicator of what’s getting triggered in you.
- Is the story you’re telling yourself true? One of my teachers would ask us, “What would you say If I had your head on a chopping block and asked you, ‘What’s really true?’”
- We often repeat family dynamics unconsciously. Does this situation echo any experience from your family of origin or at any point in your past? If not, wonderful. If so, no problem – it’s very common and we can untangle your family association from work.
- Where/how are you contributing to the dysfunction (if at all)? There are ways we can unintentionally contribute to the dysfunction. Notice where your actions are woven into the pattern of dysfunction.
Step 3: Unwind Your Relationship to the Situation
The answers to Step 2 will illuminate ways you can begin mentally and emotionally untangling yourself from the situation. This process needs to be specific and individualized for you, but here are some tips:
- Own what’s yours and only what’s yours. It’s liberating to own what’s on your side of the line and let go of what is others’ responsibility.
- Change or stop actions that contribute to the situation.
- Heal any childhood or family patterns that got activated.
- Take consistent and regular self-care and breaks.
If you are reaching a limit on what you can unwind on your own, please reach out to a coach, therapist, or trusted friend.
Now You Can Reveal New Insight
Now that you’ve done a self-assessment and begun to untangle yourself from the situation internally, you have the power, resources, and perspective to gain new insight.
- Look at the situation with fresh eyes. What do you see?
- When you clear all the emotion and judgment out of the picture, you can get to a few core, fundamental truths. What are your truths about this situation?
I’ve done this process with clients more times than I can count. Here are a few examples of insights that my clients have discovered at this point in the process:
- A cofounder realizes that he needs to deal with his grief that his company and his partner aren’t going to live up to their potential.
- An executive director realizes that her board of directors will never have her back and she will have to engage with them differently to get the organization what it needs.
- An executive realizes that the leadership issues in her organization are so embedded and unconscious that she can’t fight this alone; she needs to enlist help.
Gaining clarity about yourself can yield important insights that lead you to the next set of possibilities or opportunities. Though I will talk about different opportunities in the next article, these steps are sometimes all my clients need to evoke change. That change can seem sudden and almost magical. Examples I’ve seen recently: The person at the core of the dysfunction quits; my client gets a new job offer; or someone else intercedes to change the whole dynamic, etc.
But if you still need some fresh ideas for how to deal with toxic dysfunction, stay tuned for the next article about options and opportunities – “Organizational Dysfunction Part 2: Cope, Change or Quit.”
Was any of this helpful or resonant for you? Please email me and let me know, or comment below.
As always, if you know someone who could benefit, please forward this to them!
And finally, if you need more attuned 1:1 support, schedule a session. New clients can start with a 30-min free into session. I look forward to connecting with you.